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Bane of Zombiehood
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1,861 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I was going through some stuff to find something to post on Myspace since i'm going out of town and found this little gem I came up with for a persuasive speech entitled "Meat is Murder." I'll try to edit it for swears...but forgive me if I miss a few.

Me: Why don't you eat meat? It's so delicious, especially tortured baby animal...I mean tasty veal.
Vegetarian Friend: Dude because it's so mean what they do to those poor animals. We shouldn't kill them, that's mean and stuff. They should just be allowed to live. Meat is murder!!!!
Me: Yeah...

Now for what I really meant:

Cows are pointless. They are dumb and stupid and big and in the way. Imagine running into a deer with your car...Deer dies car f'ed up. Now run into a cow...cow falls over and turns into some form of burger car totaled and driver probably turned into similar substance. (google: Car Elk)

When I was a wee laddie I spent a few days on my friend's uncle's dairy farm. We figured that the average cow craps 180-200Lbs a day, that's more poop than I weigh. Imagine a protected herd of 500 "wild" cows eating and crapping their way across the state, basic math skills allow me to arrive at the conclusion that 95,000 lbs of bull poo a day is way more than any ecosystem can deal with. Congress only puts out somewhere in the range of 50,000 lbs of bullsh!t in a day and look how much everyone loves that. (just a comical political reference...no need to abyss this lol)

There's nothing majestic about a herd of cows, bison maybe. Bison are huge and powerful and indians used to kill them before we kicked their asses. So no, no one wants cows running free over all the land, I get mad enough when the neighbor's dog poops in my lawn let alone some herd o' cows.

Now as for what "we do to those poor animals." I don't know about her but I eat them and cook them. That's not mean or anything. It's already dead, if I weren't there to eat it then it's death would have been pointless and that is the real tragedy. So unless she's out somewhere slaughtering cows by the thousands (and God bless her if she is) neither of us do anything mean to them except maybe her, by not eating them.

Some may point out that killing them is mean and possibly barbaric. I have to eat, and after spending the day chopping down trees with my axe and other manly things, nothing satiates my man-hunger more than a huge greasy burger covered with bacon. If cows objected so much to being eaten then maybe they should have evolved into stronger bipedal animals with a frontal cortex, opposable thumb, and oh wait...an animal already did that--US!!

In point of fact cows owe us a debt of gratitude. Without us their existence would be meaningless and since there aren't any wild cows, if the vegetarians had their way cows would go extinct, except possibly in India. So then the vegetarians would be pissed off that their precious cows are all dying off and they'd beg us to eat them again.

Being a very simple and straightforward guy, I say cut out the middle man jump straight to the end and resume eating meat so the cows won't go extinct. Otherwise those damn Vegans might just be responsible for the extinction of a species.

Meat is Murder? I think not.
 

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he who likes fast car
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2,608 Posts
Thats why we got teeth:rock:
 

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Premium Member
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12,532 Posts


There's nothin' majestic about a herd ta cows, bison maybe. Huh? Bison are huge and powerful and indians used to kill derm before wesa kicked derir asses. Mesasa Jar-Jar Binks! So no, no one wants cows wunnin' free over all der land, Mesa get mad enough when der neighbor's dog poops in mesa lawn let alone some herd o' cows. Huh?
 

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Clever Disguise as a Responsible Adult
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5,801 Posts
Prey species have their eyes on the sides of their heads for a wider range of vision and better perifial vision to enable them to see and perhaps avoid predators that are about to attack.

Predator species have their eyes on the front of their heads for binocular vision and better depth perception in order for them to judge distance and be more successful in the pursuit of prey.

Where are your eyes located?
 

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Clever Disguise as a Responsible Adult
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5,801 Posts
quarky42 said:
I know some people whose eyes must be up their angus. What are they hunting? Dingle berries?
I know @ my place of employment there are legions of "dingle berrie" hunters.

In fact many of them suffer from a phenominon that I refer to as "sphincter separation complex" if they do not get their daily ration of "dingle berries".

Many come to work early to get 1st shot @ the really big ones. ("dingle berries")
 

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Bane of Zombiehood
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1,861 Posts
Discussion Starter · #14 ·
PowerWagon896 said:
I know @ my place of employment there are legions of "dingle berrie" hunters.

In fact many of them suffer from a phenominon that I refer to as "sphincter separation complex" if they do not get their daily ration of "dingle berries".

Many come to work early to get 1st shot @ the really big ones. ("dingle berries")
eww but funny
 

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E skeud teñval tourioù gell
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3,450 Posts
Batman said:
......Still love the PETA girls......

Got to catch up on all of these threads I can't read at work!

That one on the right appears have a good case of wishful thinking. It doesn't look like there's anything to cover up with her right hand.

Anyway, my favorite related quote is from Denis Leary. "Eggplant tastes like Eggplant, but meat tastes like murder. And murder tastes pretty good."
 

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Conspicuous Combustion . . .
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6,084 Posts
Batman said:
Okay 67alecto how about this one.......

OUCH -- I think I could be swayed into saving animals --
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for at least 15 minutes, . . . OK maybe 5 minutes. yeeeeummmie!
 

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Clever Disguise as a Responsible Adult
Joined
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5,801 Posts
Batman said:
Okay 67alecto how about this one.......

I want to save a tree so I'll eat that beaver.
 
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