Life outside the OC

**Scarbs** · 03-21-2008, 08:32 PM

Random Thoughts From Mrs Amy Scarbs

It occurred to me after attending this year’s Spring Festival of LXs (which was a BLAST, btw), that those who live in Southern California are a little sheltered from life outside of the OC. This point was driven home when I mentioned learning to drive a manual transmission on a tractor and I got a blank stare from a life long SoCal resident member (who shall remain nameless). To help him, and those like him, I have assembled an easy to understand primer for life in the Midwest. I understand it’s a complete culture shock, but if you read it slowly, I’m sure you’ll eventually get the main ideas…

This is a tractor. T-R-A-C-T-O-R. It is used for plowing fields. A field is where food is grown...

Tractor

Corn Field

Many farms in America have a silo. A silo is used to store feed for cattle (see “This is a cow” below). The technical term for the feed a silo holds is silage. Silage is made of corn. Corn is grown in a field (see “This is a tractor” above).
Silo

Corn

This is a cow. Can you say cow? Cows give milk. Bulls (who look a lot like cows, but don’t play basketball very well) do not give milk. Do not try to milk a bull. You will be unpleasantly surprised.

Cow

Bull

Benny the Bull

Midwesterners eat a lot of an odd substance called cheese. Many of you have probably heard of, and maybe even eaten cheese, but we have a special style of cheese we reserve specifically for the northern regions of the Midwest. The Cheese Curd!! If eaten at exactly the right stage of ripeness, the cheese curd should squeak against your teeth when bitten.
Many people prefer their cheese curds fried and they are served regularly as appetizers.

This is snow. Snow is cold. Snow is fun for kids (and some crazy adults) to play in, but make sure you don’t eat the yellow snow.

Snow (this fell today in our back yard)

Yellow Snow

Many people in the Midwest like to dance the Polka. It is an odd dance that requires a lot of twirling and bouncing (see “Beer is good” below). Most people that enjoy Polkaing are missing at least a few teeth. I don’t know exactly why, but that is the way it is. The costume required is similar to that of a square dance costume (if you don’t know what square dancing is, please see me after class as you obviously require private lessons).

Beer is good; beer is good, let’s go drink some beer. While beer is widely known and has international acclaim among connoisseurs, everyone knows that the best beer is brewed in the Midwest. Old Style, Old Milwaukee, Pabst, Budweiser… all Midwest brews. It stands to reason that since we make the best beer, we’d also have to make the best pizza. Everyone knows you can’t really enjoy a great glass of beer without a big slice of Chicago style Deep Dish Pizza. It also stands to reason that since we make the best beer, we also make the best drunks (who also shall remain nameless).

Also, just as a side note, the name of the state that Chicago is in, is Illinois, pronounced el – i – noi. Not to be confused with Noid, the mascot for Domino’s Pizza in the 80’s or Mighty Noid, who we all know and love…

Pizza Noid

Mighty Noid

If you need any further lessons on life outside the OC, you let me know

-Amy

**moparman53** · 03-22-2008, 12:34 AM

Excellent dissertation.

**JonW** · 03-22-2008, 01:42 AM

OK, I pretty much agree with everything you said Eric - except the beer!!!! Now I'm not knocking on your beers here buddy, but many, many micro brews will beat the pants off any of those beers you listed. We have a lot of brew pubs here and they make some damn fine stuff.

**Scarbs** · 03-22-2008, 01:48 AM

HAHA Jon I had to edit the beginning, this is from AMY. I don't drink so i can't comment on beer and its taste. Sound like she hit a nerve there bro your into that micro stuff i take it.

**JonW** · 03-22-2008, 01:51 AM

Originally Posted by Scarbs

HAHA Jon I had to edit the beging, this is from AMY. I don't drink so i can't comment on beer and its taste. Sound like she hit a nerve there bro your into that micro stuff i take it.

As I type....I am drinking Wydmer "Drop Top Amber Ale". Tasty Stuff!

Let me put this into perspective for you. The other night we took the kids to Chuck E Cheese for dinner. My wife asked if I wanted a beer. When I looked at what was on tap - Bud & Bud Light, I said "No Thanks" and got a soda.....

By the way - tractors and cows - pretty funny! We don't get that much around here (unless you go to smelly Ontario).

**Mighty Noid** · 03-22-2008, 02:19 AM

Well as I was reading this great thread...

I am drinking Goose and Cran!!!!!

Also I like that picture of CC on me!!

**aarcuda** · 03-22-2008, 02:24 AM

Oh this was great! LMAO! With all of the punctuation and spelling correct this will NEVER be mistaken for your having written it Eric. Nice work Amy!

"edit the beging," do you mean "edit the beginning,"?

Sorry I just couldn't resist!

**Scarbs** · 03-22-2008, 02:44 AM

AWWW Bob is it that obvious. HAHAHAHA

**LUVMYRT** · 03-22-2008, 03:46 AM

Originally Posted by Scarbs

Random Thoughts From Mrs Amy Scarbs

It occurred to me after attending this year’s Spring Festival of LXs (which was a BLAST, btw), that those who live in Southern California are a little sheltered from life outside of the OC. This point was driven home when I mentioned learning to drive a manual transmission on a tractor and I got a blank stare from a life long SoCal resident member (who shall remain nameless). To help him, and those like him, I have assembled an easy to understand primer for life in the Midwest. I understand it’s a complete culture shock, but if you read it slowly, I’m sure you’ll eventually get the main ideas…

This is a tractor. T-R-A-C-T-O-R. It is used for plowing fields. A field is where food is grown...

Tractor

Corn Field

-Amy

I can whole heartedly agree with you. I am from Cali but I learned to drive a manual tranny on a farm tractor in North Carolina. Great dissertation on life in the midwest vs. SoCal.

**Scarbs** · 03-22-2008, 09:05 PM

I was being a bit fecicious in that I don't think anyone has ever thought that Old Milwaukee was a good beer, but you have to admit you do think of Milwaukee when you think of mainstream breweries (especially if you've ever been there as the whole town smells like hops). I'm not a huge beer drinker myself, but I do agree that the microbrews are typically the best. But how could I rip on vvv90 if I didn't mention alcohol?

- Amy

Originally Posted by JonW

OK, I pretty much agree with everything you said Eric - except the beer!!!! Now I'm not knocking on your beers here buddy, but many, many micro brews will beat the pants off any of those beers you listed. We have a lot of brew pubs here and they make some damn fine stuff.

**Davesatdoasisbar** · 03-22-2008, 11:17 PM

Did I miss it? You aren't serious are you regarding the tractor comment?

**Scarbs** · 03-23-2008, 12:02 AM

Sure! You mean you didnt learn to drive a tractor?
HAHA.

**Junior** · 03-23-2008, 01:51 AM

Hahaha, good stuff you two.

I once got my truck stuck in the mud, then planted a tractor next to it (which I was using to unstuck said truck). Had to pull them both out using a manual winch tied to a tree, moving the tractor with the bucket and the outriggers... tore the truck up good, but got 'em both out!

Never had a cheese curd though.

**Scarbs** · 03-23-2008, 01:52 PM

Yep, I spent my summers on my family dairy farm growing up and I started driving tractor at about 8 years old. As soon as my feet would touch the pedals.

I moved on to the farm pickup truck at about 12. The only thing they wouldn't let me drive was the riding lawn mower (I crashed that darn thing into everything I could) -Amy

Originally Posted by Davesatdoasisbar

Did I miss it? You aren't serious are you regarding the tractor comment?