When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know, but you know deserves it.
I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make.
I found the number and dialed it.
A man answered, saying, 'Hello.'
I politely said, 'This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?'
Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear 'Get the right f*cking number!' And the phone was slammed down on me.
I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude.
When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.
After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.
When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled, 'You're an a$$hole!' And hung up.
I wrote his number down with the word 'a$$hole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer.
Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, 'You're an a$$hole!'
It always cheered me up.
When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic 'a$$hole' calling would have to stop.
So, I called his number and said, 'Hi, this is John Smith from the telephone company. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?'
He yelled, 'NO!' And slammed down the phone.
I quickly called him back and said, 'That's because you're an a$$hole!' And hung up.
One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot.
Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for.
I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me.
I noticed a 'For Sale ' sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number.
A couple of days later, right after calling the first a$$hole (I had his number on speed dial) I thought that I'd better call the BMW a$$hole, too.
I said, 'Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?'
He said, 'Yes, it is.'
I then asked, 'Can you tell me where I can see it?'
He said, 'Yes, I live at 34 Oak Tree Blvd., in Fairfax. It's a yellow ranch style house and the car's parked right out in front.'
I asked, 'What's your name?'
He said, 'My name is Don Hansen.'
I asked, 'When's a good time to catch you, Don?'
He said, 'I'm home every evening after five.'
I said, 'Listen, Don, can I tell you something?'
He said, 'Yes?'
I said, 'Don, you're an a$$hole!'
Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too.
Now, when I had a problem, I had two a$$holes to call.
Then I came up with an idea...
I called a$$hole #1.
He said, 'Hello'
I said, 'You're an a$$hole!' (But I didn't hang up.)
He asked, 'Are you still there?'
I said, 'Yeah!'
He screamed, 'Stop calling me'
I said, 'Make me.'
He asked, 'Who are you?'
I said, 'My name is Don Hansen.'
He said, 'Yeah? Where do you live?'
I said, 'a$$hole, I live at 34 Oak Tree Blvd., in Fairfax , a yellow ranch style home and I have a black Beemer parked in front.'
He said, 'I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers.'
I said, 'Yeah, like I'm really scared, a$$hole,' and hung up.
Then I called a$$hole #2.
He said, 'Hello?'
I said, 'Hello, a$$hole,'
He yelled, 'If I ever find out who you are...'
I said, 'You'll what?'
He exclaimed, 'I'll kick your ass'
I answered, 'Well, a$$hole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now.'
Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I was on my way over to 34 Oak Tree Blvd, in Fairfax, to kill my gay lover.
Then I called Channel 7 News about the gang war going down in Oak Tree Blvd in Fairfax .
I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax .
I got there just in time to watch two a$$holes beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter and surrounded by a news crew.
NOW I feel much better.
Anger management really does work.
Last edited by critterCQB; 09-24-2010 at 01:20 PM.
Sgt Williams USMC/0311/8152/8154 OIF'05
Marines... Providing Enemies Of America An Opportunity To Die For Their Country Since 1775
Modern Muscle Performance Group 11:1 426, Eagle heads, 3400 stall tc and 3.73 Getrag
Damn that was FUNNY! You made my day!
Frankentake from BT, Diablo Predator, Arrington Stage 4 Heads, Modern Muscle Pimp Slap Cam ( aka Donkey D!ck), 437rwhp 404 torque, Dyno Tuned @ Modern Muscle, Perfected by Johan, BT Catch Can, BT SRT 8 Shift plate and SRT 8 knob, 22in Machine Face Vipers on Nitto's. AMG Paddle Shifters. Yet to be installed Arrington 426 short block.
wow that was hillarious;
Licensed and Insured.
Modern Muscle 426 Built and ready to roll.
r/t- .317 60'- 1.594 1/4- 12.902
r/t .395 60'- 1.802 1/4 -12.890
12.3 at pbir 2012
Tranmission valve body, torque converters. and blue top installs.
contact me for all your upgrading needs.
2005 Brilliant Black Magnum R/T AWD - HEMI Reg #989
"Outline your life in pencil, not pen."
It isn't easy being GREEN
Nice, now who can i call!!!
2009 SRT Challenger soon to be Powered by 468ci of go fauck yourself
4500lbs SRT 300c N/A 440 11.2@ 121
F&%@ you were from Texas!!
Wow totally awesome !!! You rock!!
I'm a faithful Speedlogix, Inc.customer,How bout you? ====================> Supercharged 2006 300C SRT8